World Cup Fever

Tomorrow, Group C will be playing simultaneous matches at 10am (Eastern Time) and I’ll be at work. I’m not sure how I’m going to get my fill of soccer tomorrow as I need to know what’s happening with both matches (England v Slovakia and USA v Algeria). What to do???

Doom and Gloomsday

I’m not a conspiracy theorist and I’m not one of those “2012 is the end of time”-ers either. What I am is a young adult who has become increasingly aware of the growing threats to our perceived way of life.

I’m not speaking about immigrants taking jobs that nobody else wants and I’m definitely not talking about terrorism as I have a better chance of getting caught in a donkey stampede on Long Island than being killed by a terrorist. I’m speaking (un)specifically about the powder keg that is the world economy and the tension bands around that keg that seem to be wound tighter than ever before.

Out first two World Wars were born out of economic collapse and became global affairs with a concentrated attack across the hemisphere (i.e. assassination of Arch Duke Ferdinand, Pearl Harbor). When history looks back on this millenium will they see the attacks of 9-11-01 as the spark that lit the world’s economy into a World War that would begin nearly 10 years later?

Europe’s economy is in complete disarray after the bankruptcy of Greece and growing fears of economic instability across the continent. China currently holds many trillions of dollars of American debt and may be forced into a position to call in these loans if Europe begins to fail. The State run economy of China is an efficient mammoth that cannot sustain it’s own growth. The people of China are more unhappy than ever while their government spreads their vast financial resources across the globe; lending sums of money that dwarf many of the G8’s GDP.

On top of this economic collapse, a global ecosystem meltdown, the war in Afghanistan, Israel shooting at civilians, Iran amidst a cultural revolution,India-Pakistan relations tensing, China’s bloated State run economy, Germany’s PM resigning, BP’s single-handed destruction of an entire region of the globe with the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and African nations fighting extinction in complete silence as the world looks for a way to make more money with less effort - is this the point in our generation’s history when we look back and wonder how it all got out of control so quickly?

Or…

Are these events a natural causality in that machine we call civilization? Is my new-found interest and awareness the eventual development of an aware global citizen?

For all I know, these global ticking time bombs could be SOP in our “way of life” and this is simply my first real exposure to the world outside of high school social studies.

I see these people around me and I can’t help but wonder if they know, if they care. The world is either coming into focus for one young adult or the world is coming to a truly pivotal moment in human history. Will we sit back as our way of life is altered beyond resemblance; should we sit idly by and LET this happen? Perhaps our way of life is an unsustainable and unrealistic way to live. Maybe it’s not.

Either I’m just waking up to reality or our perception of reality is about to undergo a monumental overhaul, the likes of which this small planet has yet to see.

The History of Memorial Day

Memorial Day, as with most holidays in this country, has become more about who’s going to have the best BBQ and a lot less about the reason we don’t have to show up to work on the last Monday of May. I’d like to share with you the true story about how Memorial Day started, and why it is now honorable to drink beer on this sacred day.

150 years ago in a small St. Louis neighborhood notorious for inbred families, a woman named Anne Heizer was trolling around town looking for an easy way to make a buck. She came across the stall outside the local saloon where men had tied up their horses and left them with a handful of hay and a bucket to drool in. As Anne walked by this bucket of horse drool she smelled something awful, but something familiar. She picked up that bucket and brought it to the local restaurant claiming it to be her own personal home brew. Everyone laughed at her because all men know that women don’t brew beer!  

Anne Heizer left that bar dejected, but determined to find a way to make that all mighty buck. While trudging along down an alleyway she tripped over a homeless fella named Bush. He was a sloppy fool from Texas who had been left behind by his father after he was found snorting lines of talcum powder off the pool tables. Anne had an idea - she would have this Bush fella walk back into that restaurant and sell them the horse drool as home brew!

Bush didn’t understand much but he knew how to make the average townsfolk feel welcome; so he strode into that restaurant and sold that horse drool.  The town of inbreds had never tasted anything like this, but since this fella named Bush told them it was home brew they believed him! Anne Heizer and Bush walked around from town to town collecting every bucket of horse drool they could find. They even went as far as collecting cow sweat and donkey dick drip. Every new form of mule drool became a new type of home brew for this tenacious duo. 

So when you’re pouring out your cans of beer into red and blue Solo cups this Memorial Day, remember those two brave pioneers who birthed this holiday. Remember their sacrifice and their hard work as they searched tirelessly for the All-American Dream.

Ancient Fools

This country’s strict adherence to a set of principles that were already ancient when they were inked as the Constitution is why we are incapable of accepting any idea of evolution and why the word “progressive” has become derogatory among social conservatives.

What frustrates this country more is how our founding fathers all feared the country was heading in the wrong direction within four terms of the Presidency. Yet, not a single soul has dared to stand up to those ancient fools who got it all wrong from the start.